八个笑话，八个人生哲理

1、建筑师

一位夫人打电话给建筑师，说每当火车经过时，她的睡床就会摇动。“这简直是无稽之谈。”建筑师回答说，“我来看看。”建筑师到达后，夫人建议他躺在床上，体会一下火车经过时的感觉。建筑师刚上床躺下，夫人的丈夫就回来了。他见此情形，便厉声喝问：“你躺在我妻子的床上干什么？”建筑师战战兢兢地回答：“我说是在等火车，你会相信吗？”

【顿悟】　　有些话是真的，却听上去很假；有些话是假的，却令人无庸置疑。

２、引诱

英国绅士与法国女人同乘一个包厢，女人想引诱这个英国人，她脱衣躺下后就抱怨身上发冷。先生把自己的被子给了她，她还是不停地说冷。“我还能怎么帮助你呢？”先生沮丧地问道。“我小时候妈妈总是用自己的身体给我取暖。”“小姐，这我就爱莫能助了。我总不能跳下火车去找你的妈妈吧？”

【顿悟】　　善解风情的男人是好男人，不解风情的男人更是好男人。

3、调羹

麦克走进餐馆，点了一份汤，服务员马上给他端了上来．服务员刚走开，麦克就嚷嚷起来：“对不起，这汤我没法喝。”服务员重新给他上了一个汤，他还是说：“对不起，这汤我没法喝。”服务员只好叫来经理。经理毕恭毕敬地朝麦克点点头，说：“先生，这道菜是本店最拿手的，深受顾客欢迎，难道您……”“我是说，调羹在哪里呢？”

【顿悟】　　有错就改，当然是件好事。但我们常常却改掉正确的，留下错误的，结果是错上加错。

4、穿错

饭厅内，一个异常谦恭的人胆怯地碰了碰另一个顾客，那人正在穿一件大衣。“对不起，请问您是不是皮埃尔先生？”“不，我不是。”那人回答。“啊，”他舒了一口气，“那我没弄错，我就是他，您穿了他的大衣。”

【顿悟】　　要做到理直气壮，并不是件容易的事情。理直的人，往往低声下气；而理歪的人，却是气壮如牛。

5、回电

一个苏格兰人去伦敦，想顺便探望一位老朋友，但却忘了他的住址，于是给家父发了一份电报：“您知道托马的住址吗？速告”当天，他就收到一份加急回电：“知道。”

【顿悟】　　当我们终于找到最正确的答案时，却发现它是最无用的。

6、伤心故事

有三个人到纽约度假。他们在一座高层宾馆的第45层订了一个套房。一天晚上，大楼电梯出现故障，服务员安排他们在大厅过夜。他们商量后，决定徒步走回房间，并约定轮流说笑话、唱歌和讲故事，以减轻登楼的劳累。笑话讲了，歌也唱了，好不容易爬到第34层，大家都感觉精疲力竭。　　“好吧，彼德，你来讲个幽默故事吧。”彼德说：“故事不长，却令人伤心至极：我把房间的钥匙忘在大厅了。”

【顿悟】　　我们痛苦，所以幽默；我们幽默，所以快乐。

7、卖书

一个很有名的作家要来书店参观。书店老板受宠若惊，连忙把所有的书撤下，全部换上作家的书。作家来到书店后，心里非常高兴，问道：“贵店只售本人的书吗？”　　“当然不是。”书店老板回答，“别的书销路很好，都卖完了。”

【顿悟】　　“拍马屁”是个奇怪的词：你象是在奉承他，又象是在侮辱他。

8、帮忙

在邮局大厅内，一位老太太走到一个中年人跟前，客气地说：“先生，请帮我在明信片上写上地址好吗？”“当然可以。”中年人按老人的要求做了。老太太又说：“再帮我写上一小段话，好吗？谢谢！”“好吧。”中年人照老太太的话写好后，微笑着问道：“还有什么要帮忙的吗？”“嗯，还有一件小事。”老太太看着明信片说，“帮我在下面再加一句：字迹潦草，敬请原谅。”

【顿悟】　　你若不肯帮忙，人家会恨你一个星期；如果帮得不够完美，还不如…

What If You’re Dead Tomorrow?

Life is full of uncertainties, more so in this century. Almost every week, you hear of sad natural disasters like Cyclones hitting Myanmar, Earthquake in Si Chuan and many more. It’s a tough world out there. More importantly there are 6.6 Billion people living in this vulnerable world.

You are but ‘One’ of the 6.6 Billion people utilizing earth’s resources but are you making the best of it? How have you repaid the earth? No I’m no Al Gore and the purpose of this email is not in asking you to protect the earth’s and adapt ways to conserve energy.

Life is Fragile. What if you’re dead tomorrow? What happens? The first thing that comes into your mind is your wife, your children, your parents, your in laws… the list goes on and on. You think about money…which should be the least of your concern. Why?

As I said before, there’s 6.6 Billion people out there. You are but one of the 6.6 Billion. If you do your maths, it’s really insignificant. So, what are the things that matter? Money? How many certificates you have? How big your business is? How many assets you have? Friend, all these means nothing if you’ve not repaid the Earth!

What do I mean by that. It is simple, how many people’s life have you impacted? How many people’s life have you helped turned around? How many people have you helped. Basically, we come naked into this world and we’ll leave naked as well. We can’t take any of our physical assets, certifications, money with us. What we can leave behind is our legacy.

What legacy? It is what you want to remember for. I have a habit of taking a peep at the obituary everytime I see the newspaper. I always look at the deceased and wondered what have they accomplished in their life time. Sometimes, you see awards like BBM, PBM which accounts for nothing.

I have to confess I’ve got a self professed theory. That is, if you’re not contributing to mankind, there’s no meaning in you living on this earth. That is, you’re just a consumer of Earth’s resources and have not contributed to it. Then, God will kind of tell you to hand in your ICs earlier. (IC = Identity Cards)

The fact that you’re alive, is God telling you your time is not up yet. You’d better do something. You’d better contribute. You’d better help more people. You’d better leave a legacy.

I know there are many of you who are barely making ends meet. Remember, your current situation is the result of what you did for the past few years. The equation is pretty simple and you need to work backwards.

No Goals = Mediocrity = Barely Make Ends Meet
Big Goals = Life of Abundance = Helping More People = Leaving A Legacy.

Start building your legacy now. Set a big goal in how you’re going to help more people and who knows, during the process your life will change tremendously and you’ll achieve your goals and leaving a legacy at the same time. Be thankful you’re still alive and don’t assume the Angel of Death is not knocking on the door soon. Start working your butt off and contribute to the Earth by helping more people. Maybe God will see that and let you live longer to accomplish your goals.

Hot sun. Salty air. Rhythmic waves.

A little boy is on his knees scooping and packing the sand with plastic shovels into a bright blue bucket. Then he upends the bucket on the surface and lifts it. And, to the delight of the little architect, a castle tower is created.

All afternoon he will work. Spooning out the moat. Packing the walls. Bottle tops will be sentries. Popsicle sticks will be bridges. A sandcastle will be built.

Big city. Busy streets. Rumbling traffic.

A man is in his office. At his desk he shuffles papers into stacks and delegates assignments. He cradles the phone on his shoulder and punches the keyboard with his fingers. Numbers are juggled and contracts are signed and much to the delight of the man, a profit is made.

All his life he will work. Formulating the plans. Forecasting the future. Annuities will be sentries. Capital gains will be bridges. An empire will be built.

Two builders of two castles. They have much in common. They shape granules into grandeurs. They see nothing and make something. They are diligent and determined. And for both the tide will rise and the end will come.

Yet that is where the similarities cease. For the boy sees the end while the man ignores it. Watch the boy as the dusk approaches.

As the waves near, the wise child jumps to his feet and begins to clap. There is no sorrow. No fear. No regret. He knew this would happen. He is not surprised. And when the great breaker crashes into his castle and his masterpiece is sucked into the sea, he smiles. He smiles, picks up his tools, takes his father’s hand, and goes home.

The grownup, however, is not so wise. As the wave of years collapses on his castle he is terrified. He hovers over the sandy monument to protect it. He blocks the waves from the walls he has made. Salt-water soaked and shivering he snarls at the incoming tide.

“It’s my castle,” he defies.

The ocean need not respond. Both know to whom the sand belongs…

I don’t know much about sandcastles. But children do. Watch them and learn. Go ahead and build, but build with a child’s heart. When the sun sets and the tides take – applaud. Salute the process of life and go home.

An Apple in The Bag

A teacher teaching Maths to seven-year-old Arnav asked him, “If I give you one apple and one apple and one apple, how many apples will you have?”Within a few seconds Arnav replied confidently, “Four!”

The dismayed teacher was expecting an effortless correct answer (three). She was disappointed. “Maybe the child did not listen properly,” she thought. She repeated, “Arnav, listen carefully. If I give you one apple and one apple and one apple, how many apples will you have?”

Arnav had seen the disappointment on his teacher’s face. He calculated again on his fingers. But within him he was also searching for the answer that will make the teacher happy. His search for the answer was not for the correct one, but the one that will make his teacher happy. This time hesitatingly he replied, “Four?

The disappointment stayed on the teacher’s face. She remembered that Arnav liked strawberries. She thought maybe he doesn’t like apples and that is making him loose focus. This time with an exaggerated excitement and twinkling in her eyes she asked, “If I give you one strawberry and one strawberry and one strawberry, then how many you will have?”

Seeing the teacher happy, young Arnav calculated on his fingers again. There was no pressure on him, but a little on the teacher. She wanted her new approach to succeed. With a hesitating smile young Arnav enquired, “Three?”

The teacher now had a victorious smile. Her approach had succeeded. She wanted to congratulate herself. But one last thing remained. Once again she asked him, “Now if I give you one apple and one apple and one more apple how many will you have?”

Promptly Arnav answered, “Four!”

The teacher was aghast. “How Arnav, how?” she demanded in a little stern and irritated voice.

In a voice that was low and hesitating young Arnav replied, “Because I already have one apple in my bag.”

“When someone gives you an answer that is different from what you expect don’t think they are wrong. There maybe an angle that you have not understood at all. You will have to listen and understand, but never listen with a predetermined notion.”

Priorities

An expert in time management was speaking to a group of business students and, to drive home a point, used an illustration those students will never forget. As he stood in front of the group of high-powered overachievers he said, “Okay, time for a quiz” and he pulled out a one-gallon, mason jar and set it on the table in front of him. He also produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar.

When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, “Is this jar full?”

Everyone in the class yelled, “Yes.”

The time management expert replied, “Really?”

He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. He dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks. He then asked the group once more, “Is the jar full?”

By this time the class was on to him. “Probably not,” one of them answered.

“Good!” he replied. He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in the jar and it went into all of the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, “Is this jar full?”

“No!” the class shouted. Once again he said, “Good.” Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked at the class and asked, “What is the point of this illustration?”

One eager beaver raised his hand and said, “The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard you can always fit some more things in it!”

“No,” the speaker replied, that’s not the point. The truth this illustration teaches us is: If you don’t put the big rocks in first, you’ll never get them in at all.

What are the ‘BIG ROCKS’ in your life — time with your loved ones, your faith, your education, your dreams, a worthy cause, teaching or mentoring others? Remember to put these ‘BIG ROCKS’ in first or you’ll never get them in at all.” So, tonight, or in the morning, when you are reflecting on this short story, ask yourself this question: What are the ‘BIG ROCKS’ in my life? Then, put those in your jar first.